Coffe is Never Just Coffee.
August 21 2009 - No comments yet...unfortunately.
As innocent as it seems, this invitation is sinisterly misleading. Who would think that the communal meeting for a warm beverage could ever turn into something of a lascivious nature?
My friend Madeline was propositioned with aspirations of coffee and conversation by an acquaintance, but more importantly a comrade of a previous lover. Regardless of the situation that she had just left, going out for “coffee” with this fellow Tristan was just to be a gathering of two friends getting to know each other a little bit better and enjoy a drink together. He came and picked her up at her house, they drove to a local Starbucks, and conversed for hours. As the baristas began to close up the shop, Madeline and Tristan made their way back to the car and decided to finish their coffees and conversation by the lake. As the repartee moved on from skunks to shoelaces, Madeline noticed that the little awkward silences were becoming a bit more frequent and was about to suggest that she get home, when OUT OF NOWHERE, Tristan grabbed Madeline’s head in a desperate attempt to perform some kind of vacuum suction maneuver on her face. Before she could even attempt to object, Tristan’s millions of hands were all over Madeline. She squirmed and struggled to escape the perverted grasp of Tristan the Torrid until she was finally free from her attacker.
The moral of this heartbreaking tale? Well, to quote my dear friend Matthew: “If you aren’t of completely different sexual orientations, coffee is NEVER just coffee.” I just wish that poor Madeline had known this ahead of time, well in at least enough time to reject promises of delicious libations smothered in whipped cream and caramel sauce.
Who would have thought that “going for a coffee” would be the new first date? Has our generation really stooped so low to beguile the innocent and naive into thinking that it would just be a drink? Have we become so stingy and thrifty that we refuse to go out for dinner, convince someone to go out for a drink, and then try to make a move, thus convincing ourselves that a $5 mochaccino was worth a nip slip? This is ridiculous. I know it’s a recession, but seriously, if your intentions are to get a little action after a date, increase your credit limit and buy the woman a steak. Gosh darn it.
First things first...Angelique was forced, unwillingly, to start blogging by me. She would rather spend her nights alone, crying over spilt ice cream, earwig attacks, and reading parodies of bible stories.
